I Love You, I Remember You
by typhooniepie
Summary: "Love is the condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own"
1. One

Since the day that So had met Hae Soo, there wasn't a single day that went by where he didn't think of her. Everything he did, everything he saw, reminded him of her. Even after nearly twenty years since the day he met her, he could still remember it as clearly as the day the met. She had invaded his world years ago and even though she was gone, every breath, every step he took, was filled with the longing he felt to see her once last time.

And on this particular day, he let this grief consume every fibre of his being. He let the grief and anger fill every pore and cover every inch of him as he stood before the lake that had always been their place. This was the lake where they had given each other everything. This lake played witness to all their memories. The confessions, the break ups and make ups, the place where they would go just to escape from the world, this was his and Soo's place. He stood for hours replaying those moments over and over again as he let it sink in that it had been six years to the day since Soo had passed. Her broken promise to not leave him in such a dark and lonely place was repeated over and over again in his head as he wept tears of regret and anger.

It wasn't until he heard the sound of yelling and footsteps pounding against the ground did he finally break from his trance. He turned around to see a little girl running at full speed straight into him. Before he had time to prevent it she had already barrelled straight into his legs. He looked down and was met with a pair of big brown eyes staring up at him. She met his stare and immediately feigned injury.

"AI AI AI AIIII" the girl said as she clutched her head.

Normally, Wang So was not a man that was very receptive to kids. Having been literally thrown to the wolves to die and fighting through numerous battles, there wasn't much of a soft side to the man but when this little girl pulled this stunt he found himself amused by the girl and a smile immediately tugging at his lips. This almost exactly mirrored the time that Soo had run head first into him and deflecting blame onto him, not long after they had met. The little girl reminded him so much of Soo when she was young, with her big, bright eyes that were full of wonder and joy and the clear mischievousnes in her. Without even thinking, So uttered the exact same words that he had said all those years ago.

"You were the run that ran into me."

So felt a wave of fatherly affection towards the young girl as he bent down and stared into her big doe eyes and placed his hand on her cheek. A sort of affection that he had never felt for any of his sons. So had been indifferent to his sons at best but he felt oddly connected to this little girl.

"Who are you?" So said as he rubbed the little girl's cheek affectionately. He wasn't sure where this was coming from but he suddenly felt a strong need to protect her. The little girl was about to answer when she turned her head to the sound of footsteps coming from behind her.

"Father!" She said as she jumped up and ran into her fathers arms. So looked up and saw the little girl, whose eyes were wide with curiosity, holding Jung, his brother, the fourteenth prince. His smile disappeared as he gave one last look to the little girl.

"Hello your majesty." Jung said as he bowed his head slightly.

"You're not supposed to leave Chungju yet you're here in the palace?" So says as he stands to full height.

"It's the anniversary of Soo's death today. I'm sorry. I was out of my mind, I will never make such a mistake again." Jung says as he stutters over his words.

"Is this your child?" So says.

"Yes."

"I do recall giving you permission to remarry. But, she's a bit big isn't she? How old is she?" So asks. Jung was being awfully suspicious and if he could recall correctly Jung

had only gotten remarried three years ago. This child seemed to be around six years old.

"You must be busy with running the country. Why worry about my child?" Jung says. There is no malice in his words. Instead there is angst and fear.

"Let's go." Jung says as he lifts the girl up in his arms. As he lifts her the reflection of her hair pin catches So's eyes.

And just like that, his suspicions were confirmed and all the pieces fell into place. It all made sense. That same lotus hair pin that So had given to his lover. He understood why he was so drawn to this girl and why just the mere sight of her brought a smile to his face. She looked like a carbon copy of her mother and So was suddenly reminded of how beautiful Soo had looked in that pin. So felt as if his heart was about to burst. Something that So could only dream of all those years ago, a product of his and Soo's love, before his eyes. And with just one glance, Jung knew that he knew too.

"Leave the child." So said without even a second thought.

Jung looked at the child once more and placed her on the ground before dropping to his knees.

"Not unless you kill me." he said.

"Is that right?" So replied. He was barely able to contain his emotions and keep it all together.

"She begged me to not send this child to the palace. It is such a scary and lonely place and she did not want her child to be here. Hae Soo worried about this until the moment she died." Jung says as his voice trembled. He was visibly trying to contain his emotions as he pleaded with the king.

To this, So had no response. Any little bit of anger that he felt towards Soo dissipated because he now truly understood how hard it was for her to give everything up to protect this child, their child. She gave him up to protect their child and he had shunned her for it. He had resented her for it.

He looked at his daughter and he could feel what little was left of him die inside. He wanted desperately to hold her tight and tell her that he loved her and to be a great father but he knew he couldn't. Soo gave everything to protect this child from this dark and scary place and she was right in doing so because the palace was a terrible place where nobody would be safe and especially not this child. He had no right to bring her to such a horrible place, especially as her father.

"Fourteenth prince, Wang Jung... I release you from your exile... I'd like it if you could visit the palace once in a while." So said. And with one more glance at his and Soo's daughter, he walked away before he could regret anything.

So walked and walked until the skies grew dark and his legs grew weak as thought about all the anger and resentment he had felt towards Soo over the years and how sorry he was. He regretted all the curses he had sent away and just how much he had hurt even though she had given up everything for him and for their daughter. He hadn't known anything and he had hurt her time and time again and she had died thinking that he hated her. When he finally arrived back in his royal chambers that were so big and spacious and beautifully decorated, he had felt suffocated. All he saw was that it was somewhere that Soo wasn't.

So had given up everything for the throne but in the end, he had nothing.


	2. Two

So had never known parental love. In fact, the first time So had truly felt the warmth of love was after he met Soo, who was always overflowing with love and warmth to anybody who needed, even if it meant giving up a piece of herself. She was a pillar of strength and morality for everybody around her and never refused to do anything less than what she believed in, no matter the cost of her actions. Even from the grave Soo was teaching him a lesson. Without Soo, he would never have known how to love someone so deeply and even now, she was teaching him what it meant to love someone in the purest form.

The purest form of love was to love someone with everything you have without the expectation of anything in return. It meant being the best person you could for the one you love and protecting them with your all and although Wang So had never personally experienced such a thing, he suddenly understood this feeling. Within moments of meeting that little girl, his little girl, he understood it all. He suddenly understood what it meant to be a father to someone. Unlike his other "children" who were born out of greed for power and glory, this child was different. He wanted to give this child and his unconditional love. This little girl had been a product, a testament to the love that her parents shared and he wanted nothing more than to give her the world and safeguard her from any harm but he knew that the best way he could love and protect her was to let her go and to let her live free.

Because Soo was right. She had always been right. The palace was a dark and scary place where nobody was safe. Everybody was a pawn in the fight for power and the ones that come out victorious were the only ones that survived. Parental love and protection meant nothing in this place and children were just pawns for their parents to advance in the playing field.

The greatest gift he could ever give Soo and his child was to set her free and let her live away from the games and bloodshed of the palace.

A/N: the next part will be less sad. Promise!


	3. Three: Princess

When his royal eunuch appeared before him with the news that Jung was at the palace asking to see him, So was surprised, to say the least. Though he could not dare to dream that Jung would ever be as kind as to visit him at all after all the bad blood between them, he still felt his heart rate quicken at just the thought of potentially spending time with his child. He could barely breathe as he waited for Jung and when the door flew open and Jung came into sight with the little girl by his side, he felt as if his heart was about to explode.

"Hello, your majesty." Jung greeted, bowing his head slightly before gently nudging the little girl by his side, who's eyes were wide with wonder at the pretty and intricately designed throne room.

"Hello, your majesty." The young girl said, suddenly as alert as ever.

"You don't have to-" So begin to say but the girl had already dropped to her knees and thrown her arms in front dramatically for a formal bow. So could only chuckle at the antics of the girl as the stories he had heard about Soo doing the exact same thing to his father reappeared in his mind.

"What's your name?" So asked inquisitively to the young child who had already gotten back on her feet and brushed herself off.

"S-" The girl began to say but this time, it was Jung who interrupted her.

"Before we go any further, I'd like you to read this letter. It's from Soo." Jung said, walking towards the throne to hand him an unmarked letter. So took the letter in his hands as he mentally prepared himself. He methodically opened the letter as best as he could with his hands shaking uncontrollably.

"Your majesty, my fourth prince,

If you're reading this, that means you have found out about our child and presumably now understand why I left you. I know I have no right to ask for your forgiveness but I hope that you can at least understand why I had to do this. Because even though I loved you, even though I will always love you, I couldn't let our child live in a place like the palace where they could never live a happy life, far away from the people who would hope to harm her because that's what the love of a parent is like. You'll always put your child ahead of everything else

When I found out that I was pregnant, I was scared. I knew that I did not have long to live and I could not possibly leave her to fend for herself in the palace. I wondered if you would have let me keep her knowing my condition and in the end I knew you wouldn't because you would do everything you could to protect me out of love for me and in the end I would've resented you for it. I could not give up on the life that was growing inside of me because just as I loved you, I loved our child. It wasn't because I loved you any less but because this was the right thing to do. We had to take responsibility for the life that we had created and it was up to me to protect it so in the end, I sacrificed you, even though I felt like I couldn't live on without you, it was still the right thing to do. It was wrong for me to assume that you could've given me everything for you are a king who is destined for great things, one that will be remembered for eternity but regardless, for the rest of my life, I wil regret leaving you behind and breaking my promise to you and for that, I am sorry.

And even though it was selfish, I did this partly because I wanted a part of you that would only belong to me and nobody else and this child was it. This child was a testament to our love and would only ever belong to you and me and nobody could ever take that away. I would never have to share this child like I had to share you. This child would be the pure and unadulterated result of us.

Her name is Seol, Wang Seol. She has my eyes and nose but her she has your ears and mouth. I wish you could see our lovely daughter who is as joyful as a new years day and as pure and beautiful as the first snowfall of the season. I chose this name because I hope she remains so unadulterated and pure as these things. I'm sorry you that will never have the privilege of knowing our child but I hope you will understand why at the very least, why I did this. Because I know, I know with all my heart that you would have loved her and that you can spare her even a sliver of the love that you had towards me and understand that I threw my entire world away so our child could live a better life away from the palace and be free of all the games and bloodshed.

This is my last request of you, my love."

Forever yours,

Hae Soo"

So could feel the tears flood at his eyes as he read the letter over and over again until the tears blurred his vision and his sobbing drowned out all of his surroundings. He could practically hear Soo herself saying these words right now with her endless lecturing. Her handwriting that was so similar to his. He could almost even smell her scent of fresh flowers and morning breeze that always followed her. And even as far away as she was, Soo was right, the love he felt for Seol had the purest of intentions. His inclination to protect her, though uncharted territory, came to him so naturally, almost as though this was what he was destined to do.

"Why are you crying? Don't cry! Don't be sad." Seol said with the utmost determination as she unceremoniously ran up to the throne and wrapped her little arms around him. It drove him crazy that he say so much of Soo in Seol. Everything she did and everything she said reminded him of Soo and even now, he could see Soo's kindheartedness in their child. Soo never cared about how powerful or weak anybody was, she would always do everything to protect them and Seol seemed to be exactly the same. Even without knowing who he was she comforted him without any hesitation.

"Seol... your name is Seol?"So whispered. Putting names to faces only made this seem so much more real and scary. He wanted to hug Seol. He wanted to protect Seol. He wanted to give Seol the world. But she was just Seol, she could never be Princess Seol and she would and could never find out about her true bloodlines. Seol dabbed at his tears with the sleeves of her robes as one of her tiny hands gripped his hand, eyes filled with determination to ease a complete stranger of his pain.

"Yes! My name is Seol! Wang Seol. And Wang Seol hates it when other people are sad. Please don't cry. What can I do to make it better?" Seol said, looking him straight into his eyes.

Wang So shook his head as he ran his caressed her cheek and then hesitantly lifted his hand to the lotus hair pin that she was wearing once again. He ran his fingers over the smooth surface of the stones. The exact same hairpin that he had given to Soo all those years ago. He remembered the first time she had worn it at the prayer tower, a dream in sky blue and white and how she had nervously brushed her fingers over this same hairpin and now their daughter was wearing it. She looked just as beautiful as her mother.

"It's pretty isn't it?" Seol said.

So only nodded in response. It was impossible for him to muster even a single word.

"It was my mother's. I heard that this was her favourite hairpin and now it's my favourite hairpin too."

"Here." Seol said, pulling the hairpin out of her carefully braided hair and opened up his clenched first, placing the hairpin in the palm of your hand.

"Don't be sad anymore, mister. I'm lending you my pin so please don't be sad." Seol said, with a smile as bright as the sun.

"But.. this is your mother's hairpin. You told me that it was your favourite hairpin." So said. How could a child be this selfless and kind to someone she had just met? How could she give up something so precious to her?

"I'm only lending it to you! I trust you, mister. You can't be sad anymore, ok? Promise me!" Seol said. So immediately willed himself to try his best to put on a smile nodded.

"I'll be back soon to collect so take good care of my pin for me! When I come back to visit you, you can't be sad anymore, ok?" She said earnestly.

"I promise." So said, with a pure a genuine smile he stuck his pinky finger out to Seol and she immediately returned his pinky promise.

"Goodbye! Be happy!" Seol said before giving him one last hug and running down the steps towards Jung.

"Thank you." So said, standing up and bowing deeply to Jung who nodded in return. He watched as Jung and Seol made their way towards the entrance.

"Seol..." So said, as Seol and Jung stopped right before the door and turned around.

"Yes?" She said, facing him now.

"Your mother would be very proud of the person you are." So said with a smile. A giant grin immediately appeared on Seol's face as she waved goodbye and merrily made her way out of the room.

Wang So looked down at the hairpin in his hands, running his fingers against the surface before he closed his eyes and held it to his face as remembered the beauty of the prayer tower in the spring.

/A/N: I'm not really satisfied with this chapter but I've been really busy with school lately so I just wanted to get this chapter out while I still had the time. Sorry ;:"/


	4. Bittersweet

"Fourteenth prince, Wang Jung, I hereby restore all of your royal titles and reinstate your position as the Grand General. As a gift of appreciation for your loyalty, I grant you a plot of land in Songak."

"Thank you for your benevolence, your majesty." Jung replied as he continued to bow before him.

"That is all, you are all dismissed except for the fourteenth prince."

"Yes, your majesty." His royal subjects and ministers as the quickly filed out of the throne room and then, it was only him and Jung.

So was not sure where to begin. He and had Jung had always been far from close despite them being brothers. So had been send out of the palace long before Jung was born and and by the time he had returned to the palace there was too much bad blood and anger between them for any sort of relationship and though he no longer harboured any ill feelings towards him, he knew they would never be best friends.

"Jung, I- I'm sorry. For all the things i've done out of rage and pettiness. You were caught in the middle of everything and I took it all out on you. I know that you loved Soo too."

Jung nodded in response.

"I was at fault too. I was childish and instead of facing the truth, I chose to take everything out on you. We were both in the wrong. I did so much to spite you." Jung replied.

"Soo died waiting for you, you know? Every day, she waited, hoping you would come see her. She never forget you, not once. Even though she was there with me in person, I know that her heart belonged only to you. Sometimes.. I think about it and wonder what would've happened if I didn't put my name on those letters." Jung added on. He looked up at So, searching for a response, but was only met with the sight of a broken man. A man that had been broken a long time ago. So Jung continued on.

"She knew she was pregnant with Seol before she left the palace and even though the pregnancy almost killed her, she refused to give it up. I begged her every day until I realized that she would give up anything to protect the child. The child was the only thing that kept her happy after she left so I know you will understand why she cannot live here and be a princess. As long as she wishes to, she can come visit you whenever she wants. I know Soo would've been happy to see you guys together. But I do hope that you will not reveal her true parentage to her, at least not until she's old enough to decide for herself."

How was one supposed to respond to this? Even after all these years, it wasn't any less painful to think about Soo and especially how much she had suffered. Once again, So was at a loss of words.

"My wife knows of her true parentage and even though I may not be her real father, we both love her the same. She is in good hands with us so don't worry. Her siblings also love her plenty and she is happy here." Jung says once again, a fond smile plastered on his face.

"You are her father, her real father. You are the one who has always taken care of her and loved her. Blood is just something you can't change, it is the love and devotion that you show that really proves your worth as a parent."

And although the words stung, they couldn't be any more true. So had a terrible childhood, one that he wouldn't wish upon his worst enemy, so he'd rather his daughter have a happy childhood, even if it meant never being able to be a father to her. And even though it hurt, Jung truly was a good father to Seol. The tears pricked at his eyes as he said this to Jung but the smile that appeared was genuine and true because at the very least, there was good that came out of his sacrifice. It was all so bittersweet.


End file.
